Notebooking: The Demon of Doubt

by Jewels E 7/11/2014 0 comments

A little while ago, I decided to start sharing a bit of my journey as a writer with you. Later, I found myself doubting this idea. I've been trying to write and study the craft. And doubt is something I've done a lot of as a writer, and I've learned all writers struggle with doubt.

Writing sounds so easy. Sit down, pick up a pen and let the thoughts flow. Trust that your story wants to be told, that the words will come and plots and characters will unfold onto the clean white page.

Well, anyone who writes knows that the idea of writing being easy is crap, and the clean white page often stays clean and white, or marred by paragraphs that are angrily scribbled out. This causes doubt and the pretty notebook becomes filled with doodles or aborted story ideas or even tossed into the trash.

Remember that story I mentioned that I was excited about? The one I was really hoping to write? Well, turns out either I wasn't as excited about it as I thought at the time, or it wasn't as excited as me writing it as it ought to be have been. We know which one of those statements is true. And I was left feeling disappointed in myself as a writer, and doubting that I was really serious about my writing. Writing is important to me. So why wasn't I writing? What am I doing wrong? I'm not sure I know the answers to those questions. Chances are I'm probably not doing anything "wrong" other than listening to the voice of self doubt in my head. But my disappointment in myself promoted me to sit down and give some serious attention to the subject of writing. I went online, hit some sites and as chance would have it, found some good ones. With topics pertinent to my particular problem: doubt. Coupled with a good case of procrastination.

But on that day, I sat down and asked myself a serious question: "What do you really want to write?" Granted, it was a question a writing blog advised I ask myself, but I still asked myself that question. And what I wrote down in response really surprised me. It wasn't what I thought I wanted to write at all. In fact, I looked at it and thought, well that's unexpected. I didn't even know I had that idea in me. It was a surreal experience. And it got to me thinking, should I write this story? What are the characters like? Won't this need careful plotting (and I hate plotting)? Do I really want to write this story? Can I write this story?

I didn't come up with any answers that day. But as I sat and pondered the story, I have come up with some answers. So I'm happy to tell you, I'm plotting. It's been slow going. But it is going. The more I sat with the story idea, the more I thought, yes, this is something I can write. I finally feel empowered and daring enough to really do what I've always wanted to do: write. I refuse to doubt the story, myself or the process anymore. Plotting is my first step to exorcising the demon of doubt.